Ice my cake, please

So tonight was a really good night. Been a long time since I've had a nigh quite like this where not even for two seconds was I ever bored. Aside from feeling nauseous from sparkling cider, great great night including winning at scategories and lips!

Yup =] Just wanted to remember a little bit about this night. And now I'm watching Heroes!

Just wanted to say this is TOTAL bullshit and I'm damn tired of all the drama. Yes this is high school drama (never thought I'd agree) and people need to learn how to grow the fuck up, NOW.

Maybe sick to rain on my parade?

Oh shit. My nose was stuffy this morning and my aunt has had pig flu all week. SHIT! So I've started drinking my blue juice in hopes of killing it before it starts. Unfortunately, I'm dizzy so now I wonder if I started too early especially since I'm nauseous. No pig flu please!

Just a side note

This whole closure thing doesn't work when you get a little jealous of friendships. UGH. I can't watch will & grace anymore, I want a gay bff =[ And I've had nobody puts baby in the corner stuck in my head alllllllll night combined with Taboo by Koda Kumi (thanks Frankie and Teresa). Oh dear =/

Also I think I went insane Thursday night. Watched jeopardy with Teresa then decided to jump in my car and drive an hour and a half to kareoke for the night. Which didn't end up happening and instead went to denny's for two hours and fell asleep at 1:30 even though everyone didn't go home until 4:30. I'm so old!! I'm spontaneous but not that bad. I think it has something to do with someone thinking I looked like Frankie's mom because I looked so miserable at their birthday party and now I'm being told my greatest asset is worrying really made me feel like a change was needed. So I changed and became spontaneous. Well, since it failed I think I'm done being that extreme, but at least I'm trying to not worry as much and be more easygoing! Hopefully this'll work because I love adventuring. Ugh, this not is just a mess of ideas, go with it. I'm too lazy and sleepy to put it in any sort of context.

Sonata in C Major

It's time to open a new chapter because the old is devoid of original ideas. It's a mix of feelings in which I feel I should press on and try to resolve those conflicts but also I feel like I'm just consistently picking a scab that will never heal. Of course this scab will leave a scar, and of course I've learned my lesson for the next 3 years when time will most likely present me with a similar situation and I'll think "no no no, this one must be different, I've learned how to make it different" and yet it will go differently, this I am sure of. However, it will end much the same like the past two have ended and I will be writing much again as I have been writing here. So time for my traditional letter of closure to a friend so that I can begin on a new chapter of happiness and progress and vertical movement.

Dear friend of the past,

I would like to inform you that our time together has very much ended. As dear as you were to me, we no longer can go on with this constant war that has begun. I'm not entirely sure what happened, maybe the distance hardened us, maybe you were afraid, maybe I was too overbearing in my ideas but regardless the friendship we once shared is tarnished. I'm not sure it can ever be fixed but I am sure that I'm tired of trying. I don't bode well with one-sided relationships(in the most broad sense of the word) especially since I know they fail. So I am not throwing in the towel but I am done trying to understand because clearly I won't ever if we never communicate and you are never honest. So here is to the past is past and welcome to the future, hope it's as bright for you as I am making mine for me.

-Sincerely,
you're strong and progressive expatriot

Oh lover, I'll cover you

Sometimes in life we lose the things we love, we have changes that outfall our worst imagined pitfalls, we have setbacks and ends that do not justify the means. Yet, it is still said that it is how we come back from these low points that define who we are. But what happens when the thing you love is lost and it is not because of fate, but because of man? Do both aspects then define you or are you still defined by how you emerge from the particularly difficult situation? I think it is a little bit of both. If you are a factor in such a loss, how does that parallel to who you are as a person?

People argue against doctor assisted suicide, but what would they do if they were placed in that position? What if it was towards an animal, would they be resistant then? Most people would say no. But then why are animals, especially pets, on a lower level than human beings? If they suffer, it is our duty to put them out of their misery. But if it's our duty, who gave us this duty? And why do we sometimes regret it yet understand that the choice made was more humane then allowing them to suffer and live on steroids not even aware that they are still in existence; allowing them to hang in limbo. Would it be better to choke to death rather than be put to sleep? Is everyone agreeing yes because it could cause a terrible complex if they said no? Or are they saying yes because they truly do believe it is the right thing to do? How do you get over playing God for a puppy who was your best friend for so many years? How do you forgive those who put said puppy in the position where a decision needed to be made? Is it possible to forgive, or is it better to leave? The answers to this will determine life in the long run, but until answered, it's better to stay away.

Etude in F Minor Dissidence

How does one play God? When presented with such an opportunity does one take it? And if so, how does one cope with such a decision?

I have no answer to most of these questions, although I find myself wishing I did. Is doctor assisted suicide morally alright? Is suicide? Is murder? You are taught as a child that murder is wrong, be it in religion or through law. However, why is it permissible to murder during war? Why is murder fine if it works for the greater good? Why is losing hope the worst option possible? I'm not sure, I wish I knew but I can not even begin to answer these questions. They seems to be forever lost in a sea of many eternal questions. For instance, is there a soul?

How does one break away from social ideals and break apart a family for the greater good? And how can one person not see themselves as murderers when it is so evident it's biting them in the ass? The real question is, why are there so many questions?

I'm not sure, about anything. I thought I was but I suppose not so much. This semester has been a real eye opener, I just wish I still had my "mentors" to help me through this but I pushed them away, per usual. Oh well, this is how I will sort out all my thoughts, I suppose, until I come to a reasoned conclusion. Welcome to my blog about philosophy, life, politics, history, general musings, and complaints as I'm on the path for self-actualization.....